ALMOST THE END OF JANUARY AND I CAN FEEL THAT WINTER DEPRESSION WEIGHING ME DOWN

MY NOSE IS COLD

MY TOES ARE COLD

AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

I FIND MYSELF DAY DREAMING OF PLACES SOUTH OF THE BORDER

SUN AND SANDALS IS WHERE I WANT TO BE

BUT SNOW AND SHOVELS ARE WHERE I AM TODAY

UNMOTIVATED TO MOVE FROM MY WARM BED

MY BODY ACHES FOR MORE MOVEMENT

BUT THE SNOW KEEPS ME IN

WARM WEATHER I MISS YOU SO

PLEASE COME BACK AGAIN SOON

DEFROST MY BODY AND UPLIFT MY SPIRITS

SELF DOUBT CREEPS INTO MY HEAD THIS MORNING

AT THIS POINT IT HAS A KEY TO THE FRONT DOOR

COMING AND GOING AS IT WANTS

IT HAS MADE ITSELF AT HOME LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS OVERSTAYED THEIR WELCOME

HEARING ITS SCRIPT OVER AND OVER AGAIN HAS BECOME SO ROUTINE FOR ME

NOT PRETTY ENOUGH, NOT SMART ENOUGH, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, THE LIST GOES ON

BUT THIS MORNING I TAKE NOTICE OF THAT OVERSTAYED GUEST

THE ALARMS ARE GOING OFF AND THE UNWELCOME GUEST GRABS ITS BAGS AND RUNS OUT

THE REALITY IS THAT IT WILL COME BACK, KNOCKING ON THE DOOR ASKING FOR A WARM PLACE TO STAY

A WOLF IN SHEEP’S SKIN AS IT MAY

BUT I AM MORE AWARE NOW

AND TO SELF DOUBT I SAY, YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME

TODAY I CLOSED MY EYES AND SAW MYSELF IN A SMALL MOUNTAIN VILLAGE IN GUATEMALA

ONE THAT I HAVE BEEN TO BEFORE

I STOOD THERE IN THE TOWN SQUARE TAKING IN THE VIEW OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL LOCAL PEOPLE

BUT AS THE PICTURE BECAME CLEARER, I SAW SOMEONE LURKING BEHIND ME

THE PERSON’S IDENTITY WASN’T IMPORTANT BUT WHAT THEY REPRESENTED THAT GRABBED MY ATTENTION

THIS PERSON REPRESENTED TROUBLE ALONG THE WAY

THAT NO PATH WORTH TRAVELING WILL COME EASY

THAT WITH EVERY WONDERFUL MOMENT I HAVE, THERE WILL BE INCREDIBLY HARD MOMENTS AS WELL

THAT TROUBLE IS NEVER TOO FAR BEHIND ME

 IT WAS A GOOD REMINDER THAT EVERY DREAM HAS ITS PUSH BACKS

IF THE DREAM IS WORTH ANYTHING THAN YOU’D BETTER BE READY TO DIG IN YOUR HEELS AND FIGHT FOR IT

I AM A MINIMALIST AT HEART THESE DAYS

LESS IS MORE IS MY MOTTO

QUALITY OVER QUANTITY READS MY CREDIT CARD STATEMENT

I FIND MYSELF COVETING THOSE WHO LIVE THE ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE OF TINY HOMES AND VAN LIFE

THE TRAVELING NOMADS THAT TRAVEL FROM PLACE TO PLACE WITH THEIR HOMES ON THEIR BACKS

YES, POUR ME A CUP OF WHATEVER THEY ARE DRINKING, PLEASE

I WANT TO CROSS THE BORDER OF CONSUMERISM AND STEP OVER TO A PLACE WHERE EXPERIENCES ARE MY DRIVE FOR LIFE

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PACK UP A BAG AT A MOMENTS NOTICE AND KNOW I CAN GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WITH COMPLETE FREEDOM

LIKE A DANDELION THAT GETS BLOWN IN THE WIND, I WANT TO GO WHERE THE WIND TAKES ME

THE LYRICS OF A SONG THIS MORNING REMINDED ME THAT MY TRAVELS WILL MEAN MORE THAN JUST WANDERING.

THERE IS A PURPOSE TO THIS ADVENTURE OF MINE. THERE IS MEANING TO WHERE I’LL GO AND WHO I’LL MEET.

THE TRIP WILL BE ABOUT ME AND YET IT WON’T BE ABOUT ME AT ALL.

THE ROAD MAP OF MY LIFE IS ABOUT MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS OR SEE RIGHT NOW.

THE LOVE OF A CHILD IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING SO TRUE AND SWEET.

I SEE MYSELF AS A CHILD TODAY. I’M DANCING IN AN OPEN FIELD OF FLOWERS WITH JOY AND PURITY. THERE’S A SMILE THAT RADIATES FROM MY CORE.

O HOW I WANT THAT FREEDOM BACK. IT’S SO CLOSE YET IT FEELS LIKE SO FAR AWAY.

THE BURDENS OF ADULTHOOD ARE HEAVY AND ON DAYS LIKE TODAY MY HEART BURNS FOR THAT OPEN FIELD OF FREEDOM.

I FEEL A GLIMMER OF HOPE THAT THE JOY AND PURITY IS STILL OUT THERE BUT THE FIELD SEEMS THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.

I CARRY ON TODAY WITH THE HOPE THAT ONE DAY I WILL FIND THAT FIELD OF FLOWERS AND THAT I WILL DANCE IN THE WARMTH OF THE SUN ONCE AGAIN.

I’M STANDING INSIDE THE WHITE FENCE. HANDS GRIPPING THE DOOR. LOOKING OUT OVER THE GREEN VALLEYS, WARM SUN, THE BREEZE THAT DANCES THROUGH THE TREE BRANCHES.

ON MY SIDE OF THE FENCE THE DARK CLOUDS LOOM OVER. THE THUNDER, LIGHTENING AND HARSH WINDS SURROUND ME.

WHY DO I STAY ON THIS SIDE OF THE FENCE WHEN THE FATHER’S LOVE IS CALLING ME OVER?

WHAT IS STOPPING ME FROM ENTERING INTO ETERNAL LOVE?

DO I NOT DESERVE THAT LOVE?

YOUR GRACE IS ALL I NEED.

SO MANY TIMES I’VE HEARD THIS PHRASE. AND SO MANY TIMES THIS PHRASE HAS SCARED ME.

I SEE MYSELF GRASPING AT A MILLION THINGS, YET IS YOUR GRACE EVEN ONE OF THEM?

WHAT DOES GRACE ALONE LOOK LIKE?

IN A WORLD FULL OF MORE, HOW WOULD IT FEEL TO STRIP EVERYTHING DOWN TO GRACE ALONE?

I IMAGINE THAT ROAD LEADING THERE HARD AND TEARFUL AND YET I IMAGINE THE DESTINATION BREATHTAKING AND BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.

THIS MORING IT’S COLD AND SUNLESS. IT’S ON DAYS LIKE THIS THAT MY MIND RACES SOUTH.

I IMAGINE WARM BEACHES, WAVES AND SAND BETWEEN MY TOES.

I IMAGINE BUSY MARKET DAYS, SPANISH JIBBER AND SENSORY OVERLOAD.

WOULD I CHOOSE A DAY OF SOLITUDE OR A DAY TO BLEND INTO THE CROWD?

TEN MORE MONTHS UNTIL THIS DREAM BECOMES REALITY. FOR SOME THE ADVENTURE IS JUST A DREAM BUT IN MY HEART I KNOW THIS WILL ALL COME TO PASS.

IT’S AS IF THESE WANDERLUST DREAMS ARE PAST MEMORIES I AM RELIVING. THE SMELLS, TASTES AND FEELINGS ARE SO REAL AND SO CLOSE THAT I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO HAPPEN.

HAVE I BEEN THERE IN A PAST LIFE? AM I JUST AT A POINT WHERE MY HEART KNOWS SOMETHING MY HEAD DOESN’T? IF SO THEN MAY MY HEART LEAD THE WAY.