“We communicate the way we do because we are raised in a particular culture and learn its language, rules, and norms. Different cultures (and subcultures) may have different rules and norms. Understanding the other’s culture facilitates cross-culture communication.” Overland Park Baptist hand out

This morning I attended the Overland Park Baptist Temple with one of my best friends, Vivia.

I started off the morning with grocery shopping. I love getting out before the crowds hit. I am a true blue introvert so having alone time first thing in the morning sets my day for success. There was hardly anyone on the roads and even less people at my local Sprouts grocery store. Whenever I visit Sprouts in the morning I always pick up one of their yummy fresh made muffins. Today was no different, except that I grabbed an extra one for my friend Vivia.

As if she was reading my mind, I came home to a message on my iPad from her saying that we should get together this morning before church and visit with a hot cup of coffee. “Come on over girl, I have coffee in the french press and a blueberry muffin for you!” was my response. Good friends just know, you know!

When I told her of my idea to visit 30 different religions before I turned 30 a few months ago, she was more than encouraging with the idea. She not only was encouraging but she said she wanted to join for however many her schedule would allow. And this is one of the reasons I love her so much. Since I have known her, her and I have really been on the same page with so much in our lives. She is incredibly open minded and embraces that her thoughts on life are ever changing. She is one of the most caring people I know and incredibly non judgmental.

Just as last Sunday, I really wasn’t sure what to expect at a Baptist Temple. I spent my afternoon yesterday out shopping for a modest church outfit. I am a nanny of a two year old and if I am not at work I am usually found on the couch in my sweat pants reading a book or in a yoga class so my closet is simple and easy to say the least. The non denominational churches that I have attended the last few years have been accepting of my very casual wardrobe but with the title temple, I thought it was best to finally invest in a good “church” outfit.

Although I don’t enjoy much shopping, I have to say that yesterday’s experience was really great. I made my way to my old stomping grounds in Lees Summit to one of my favorite little second hand boutiques. The woman helping me pick out my outfit was the sweetest sales associate and I eventually found myself telling her about my 30 before 30 project. She was so intrigued and told me that she was a newly convert to Mormonism. She gave me a recommendation to where she attends on Sundays and with that not being on my list yet, I am looking forward to adding it to places to visit before the year is up.

Dressed in our Sunday best, Vivia and I arrived at the Baptist Temple. Lucky for us the temple was a total of five minutes away from the apartment complex we both live in. How convenient! I love leaving for church with ten minutes to spare and arriving early, who doesn’t?!

As I saw people walking into church in their more modest dresses and suits, I felt very grateful that I spent the afternoon finding a good church outfit. My jeans and yoga pants just wouldn’t have done well here.

There were two older gentlemen in their Sunday suits that greeted us at the door. They shook both of our hands and welcomed us right in. The first door greeter noticed right away that we were not of the normal crowd and took the time to ask our names and thank us for joining them that morning. So right away I felt completely welcomed. Plus, little old men who have the most welcoming smile just warm my heart! Who doesn’t love that sweet comfy grandpa vibe?

The first thing we did once entering was stop at the welcome desk. My goal for every place I visit is it grab a hand out. The welcome desk people welcomed us right away, shook our hands and asked us if it was our first time attending. These people are on it is all I have to say. And the feeling I got from this church was that it was a place where everyone knows everyone so two new visitors are pretty recognizable.

Upon entering the sanctuary, we were once again shaking hands with the sanctuary door greeters. Again, two older gentlemen who took their time to welcome us and make eye contact. So before the service even began, I had been kindly greeted and welcomed by five people. Truly making a new guest feel better about entering into a completely new space.

The first decision one always finds themselves asking when entering a service is, “Where do we sit?” My friend Vivia said, “The first row, of course!” To which I responded, “How about the second row.” We ended up in the third row as the second row was already saved.

The temple was very beautiful. It reminded me of many churches that I have attended in my past. Very old school and traditional. There were the wooden church pews and hymnals tucked in every backseat. There was the big cross up at the front with stain glass windows right above. There were palm trees lining the stages back walls. The stairs leading up to the stage were carpeted and the pulpit was made out of wood, very beautiful.

What I loved the most about this temple was how music focused it was. There was a choir of about 30 people up front. There was a grand piano and guitar players on the left of the stage (from my view). And a whole orchestra on the right of the stage. I was really taken aback by the orchestra.

The first half of the service was singing and listening to solos from multiple people. There were two soloist singers, the choir performed and a trumpet player performed. And of course we the audience/ church members were encouraged to stand and sing songs as well. Some of which I haven’t heard since I was a little girl in church.

As the morning announcements were being said my eyes couldn’t help but being drawn back to the hymnal in front of me. It was like a magnet pulling me towards it. I wanted to touch it and open it up but I felt like if I did I would suddenly get hit with my past church memories. Holding the hymnal again as a little girl, standing there in my old church, hearing my dad play his trombone on stage in the band, seeing Ms. Kay at the piano playing everything by memory. I did not let that magnetic hymnal pull me in though. I really wanted this experience to be pure and fresh from untainted glasses, so to speak.

My feelings for how I grew up are both heavy and light and the more I allow that part of my life to start reopening, the more I realize that there may be more heavy than light feelings that I hold for the church I grew up in. So with all that said, I said a little prayer in my head that I wouldn’t see today’s experience through the lenses of my past but instead of how I was supposed to see it today. I needed to remind myself that the ultimate goal for this 30 before 30 challenge is to stay open minded and to not enter these new places with my own prejudgments or past burdens.

After that prayer in my head I found myself unfolding my arms and letting go of tense muscles, which I didn’t even realize I had. I suddenly became more mindful as to what was being said and happening around me.

The pastor’s sermon this week was of Jesus and the disciples in the garden of Gethsemane.

The main point that really stuck with me was how important prayer is. That in the bad moments we ask for prayer but what about when the day is smooth sailing? That we need to be praying in the good times just as much as in the bad times because hardship is somewhere around the corner. Overall, I thought the message was real and even though he was preaching from a story that happened thousands of years ago, he made it relatable to our every day lives.

The service ended in a prayer from the pastor with everyone standing up. My friend Vivia had to leave at that point so that she could make a lunch meeting but I stayed through the end. After the service ended I found myself doing my usual exit routine. Little eye contact with people and staying focused on getting to my jeep. Of course, the sweet grandpa greeter shook my hand as I left saying that he was glad I joined them and to that I smiled, shook his hand and said a deep and grateful, thank you. I really meant it too. Not everyone or everyplace is welcoming to new people and shaking his hand and receiving a warm smile was just how I wanted my time there to end. Ending on a sweet note!

As I sat there today I thought to myself, should I end the year with visiting the church I grew up in? How would I look at everything and everyone or better yet, how would they look at me? It will have been about seven years since I last stepped foot in that building. If I thought that touching that hymnal was going to open Pandora’s box, what would it be like to enter into my old church sanctuary?

As of today, I can’t say that I will have the courage to go back, but it is a thought I am going to put on the back burner for now. Maybe by the time the year is winding down I will know whether or not I should make that visit.

The church bulletin’s cover page has Colossians 4:2 written across the front and it says, “Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving.”

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

My first religion can be argued that they in fact are not a religion at all. I start my journey off visiting Oasis Kansas City, a community that embraces atheism.

Before I jump into sharing about my experience at Oasis, I first feel like I need to begin with a little back ground as to what I grew up believing so as to put into perspective my feelings before and after visiting Oasis.

I grew up in a Mennonite church. A fairly small church in and of itself in a very small town in Missouri. When I tell people I grew up in a Mennonite church I instantly have to interrupt myself and explain that I did not grow up Amish and did not wear a bonnet to church every Sunday and yes, I grew up watching allot of television.

The church at its peak had roughly 300 people but towards the end of my time there, which was in my early 20’s, it probably had at most 150. Growing up I remember using the hymnals and being very conscience of what I was allowed to wear to church, aka leaning more towards the modest side. Although, as a teenager you know I tried pushing that line as far as it would go. I remember the pastor up at the pulpit announcing that summer was almost here and that the women needed to be extra mindful of what they wore on Sundays. Yes, that just happened…

I remember as a child being taught that in order to go to heaven you needed to ask Jesus in your heart and I did say that prayer as a kinder gardener. If anyone asked what religious belief I came from I would happily say that I was a Christian. And to this day God is very important to me and I would still categorize myself as a Christian. Although, as I get older and as I step further into this project of 30 before 30, I do find myself leaning less on needing that distinguished label, but I won’t get into that one right now.

I could go into so much detail about what I remember growing up and how it molded me into who I am today but I’ll save that story for another day. What I strongly remember is how growing up “we” aka the people attending that particular church, were the ones who “had all the answers” and were “right” about everything. Basically that just means that I grew up believing that our church was perfect and that everyone and anyone else who believed in something else or went somewhere else had a very strong chance that they were going to hell. Yes, that sounds so incredibly horrible now that I say it as an adult but that is just the message I took in as a child and very young adult. And that’s not to say that that particular message was forced on me but it was what I picked up and what I took away from all my church days.

By all means I do not believe that now but yet I still find myself perceiving people from other religions through the glasses that I once wore as a child. When you grow up a certain way with certain beliefs about the world, it’s quite difficult to come up against those walls and say, “Hey, I think that you walls need to come down and I think that it was wrong to have built them in the first place. I mean what the heck did I know way back then when you walls were being built. I wasn’t even aware that you were being built in the first place. I am pretty sure my mind was on overload with my eighth grade crush. I didn’t realize how bad this could be in the long run.” I’m sorry younger self, if only I knew then what I know today. Don’t we all wish that!

So here I am today and there I was last Sunday walking up and down the street trying to find Oasis Kansas City. I will be honest, I almost did not find the entrance, as it was kind of tucked away behind the building, and therefore I almost gave up and walked into Hamburger Mary’s (a drag queen bar). I mean I was looking for a new experience at this point and boy was the entrance to Oasis hard to find! But I prevailed and said a little prayer in my head that God would lead me to the doors of this atheist church/ not church, so rather atheist gathering.

Yes, I am aware of how very strange that last paragraph must sound… drag queen’s, atheists and God.

But God must have heard my prayer because a few moments later I saw a man with a suitcase roll into what I assumed was Oasis and followed him inside. As I made my way up the stairs I started to hear music and people talking and took a sigh of relief when I realized that I had arrived!

The room itself wasn’t that big but I was really impressed with how modern and chic it looked. There were white leather couches towards the back of the room, very club lounge feel. There were chairs lined up pointing towards a stage with a projector and screen at the front. There was a welcome table and even doughnuts and coffee. Everyone wore a name tag, which I must have missed at the welcome table, but owell.

I decided to sit in the back and immediately met a woman named Stephanie. She had been attending Oasis for four years and she said that there were usually about 150 that attended any given Sunday.

The service began just minutes after I walked in. I meant to be seated earlier but my walk up and down the street with a bit of a lost look as I passed a few drag queens meant that I got there just in time for the service to begin.

The service started with music by an indie hip artist who according to his introduction, drove around in his pick up writing songs and performing where he could. The music wasn’t geared towards any belief, in fact I felt like I was in a coffee shop just relaxing to a great local artist. It was rather refreshing and I knew then that I really liked this vibe. In fact I didn’t feel like I was even at a church, although the welcome desk, the free coffee and doughnuts and the layout did scream church service.

After the music there were announcements and then a community share time where one person from the congregation pre-signed up to share a little bio about themselves or well whatever they wanted to share for about ten minutes. Sharon shared about her part in Oasis’s Micah Ministry. A ministry that Oases members volunteer for on the fourth Monday night of every month. This program helps the homeless and less fortunate people of Kansas City by offering them food, clothes and hygiene products.

After a few more announcements there was a ten minute coffee and doughnut break for mingling and what not. The vibe I got right away was that this was a very non judgmental place. That all of these people looked just like any ordinary person I would see throughout my normal every day life. Now I know that seems rather silly, like duh, of course these people look like people, they are just that, every day ordinary people, But it was a good check in to how my brain has been programmed in the past.

Growing up if someone would have mentioned an atheist, I would have said, “O no, someone who doesn’t believe in a God! How sad, those poor people, we should pray for their souls to be saved. I can’t imagine how sad their lives must be.” Heck, maybe I would have even imagined them being like a group of scientists in white lab coats explaining the big bang theory. O to the imagination!

But all these people seemed very normal. In fact during the coffee break I was merely making my way back from the bathroom and back to my seat and was greeted by three very friendly people who shook my hand and introduced themselves. They asked if I had been there before and how I found their gathering. Well, I have google to thank and the man with the suite case which I followed through a door that thankfully turned out to be the right one. Thank God! ( I didn’t mention God though)

The question, what made me want to join them that Sunday, well I answered honestly. I told them I was there because I had taken it upon myself to follow in Ms. Reba Riley’s foot steps and start my own 30 before 30 challenge. Both women I told this to thought it was great and told me how anyone is welcomed at Oasis. It turns out that the announcer that Sunday was a Jehovah’s witness. So I guess at Oasis, an atheist church, not everyone has to believe in the same thing. One can believe whatever they want and still feel welcomed. The energy and idea that I got from talking to a few people was that this was a place of community and being together was the main focus, no madder how you grew up or what you believed in now.

The service continued with some more music and then featured Hank Osterhout, executive director of Kansas Free for Arts, as their main speaker. I wasn’t able to stay for more than a few minutes of Hank’s speech because I was beginning a nasty cold of coughing non stop and needing to blow my nose every other minute. And I guess being in a small room with little outside air circulation just caused my cough to become more consistent and noticeable. Like that scratch in your throat that just won’t go away. So after I had finished all the water in my water bottle I discretely slipped out the back door. Feeling a little bad that I didn’t stay for the whole service but also happy to walk out feeling like I had come and conquered.

It felt somewhat exhilarating that I had attended an atheist gathering and really enjoyed it. I can now put faces to this community! I can now say that I attended an atheist gathering and felt completely welcomed. I don’t know if I will be able to say the same with every place I visit, honestly probably not, but I can definitely say that I felt welcomed there at Oasis one bright and sunny Sunday morning.

Oasis Five Values:

People are more important than beliefs

Reality is known through reason

Human hands solve human problems

Meaning comes from making a difference

Be accepting and be accepted

“Love is accepting people for who they are and what they are, regardless.” Alicia Keys

My journey has finally begun. I have had this idea ever since I was recommended a book called, Post Traumatic Church Syndrome, by Reba Riley. In this exceptionally eye opening memoir the author Reba Riley visits thirty different religions before she turns thirty. Wow! Now take that in for a few moments, not many people have or would even be slightly interested in doing such a thing. Talk about jumping out of your comfort zone!

Now her reasons may be a little different than my own, as she takes this journey in hopes that it will bring her some kind of healing from past church scars. I myself am not necessarily seeking healing to deep cut wounds but rather am motivated to go down this path for other reasons.

I honestly did not think that taking on such a task, visiting 30 different religions before I turned 30 (all to be done in a little less than a year), was all that big of a deal. But then I started mentioning it to friends and family, you know just the idea that I thought was pretty cool and open minded and that’s when I started to realize that this wasn’t really a normal thing to do. The looks of concern, the questions as to why I would want to do such a thing. People asking me, “You’re not going to go visit Scientology or any kind of temples are you?” I smile and try my best to take in their concerns while in my head I am thinking, “Well yes, I do believe that I am and I plan on loving every minute of it!”

When someone tells me not to do something or shows “concern” for one of my extreme ideas, well it just lights the fire in me to go for it even more. Now that all seems a bit teenage rebellion but I promise this is all coming from a good place and in a good way I like to say, “Challenge accepted!” So once I realized how many people wouldn’t touch this idea with a twenty foot pole, I knew that I indeed had to give this a try!

The motivation may not be life altering deep. I may not be seeking answers to my deep dark questions or feel like I need some kind of great healing in my life, but rather that I am curious. I am curious about other people, other religions, other beliefs and what draws people into all the different ones.

I have these ideas in my head of what a catholic, an atheist, a monk, a Jehovah’s witness looks like and yet I know that the picture in my head is so utterly incorrect. I know that there are real people behind every religion and that just because we may not agree on every “religious” point, doesn’t mean that we don’t have a hundred other things in common. We are all people at the end of the day and we are all seeking questions to answers that we don’t understand and most of us want to believe that there is something bigger than ourselves out there somewhere.

My sole intention going into this challenge is to BE OPEN MINDED. To purposefully knock down the doors of my own judgmental castle and put myself in situations that are slightly uncomfortable. I realized recently that it is not enough to just want to be less judgmental and less prejudice but that in order to get over that, walk through it, crawl underneath it, freaking blast through the middle of it if I must, I have to, face it all head on. And so that is where my head is at as I begin this challenge of visiting 30 different religions before I turn 30.

I recently watched a Netflix documentary on Taylor Swift and towards the end she spoke something that really hit home with me. Taylor Swift said, “I am trying to become as educated as possible on how to respect people, on how to deprogram the misogyny in my own brain. Toss it out, reject it and resist it.” I couldn’t have said it better myself Taylor!

So this is my journey and I have no idea where or to whom it will lead me to but I know deep down in my heart that I won’t be the same person on my 30th birthday!